A Little Horse Play

When I read the good old News and Record story this morning about the Greensboro Police department considering adding mounted patrols to its crime-fighting arsenal, the first thing that came to my mind was the opening scenes of Doctor Zhivago.

For you youngsters who have never seen Doctor Zhivago, let me quickly recap.
It's a cold snowy night in Czarist Moscow (or it might have been St. Petersburg - I'm doing this from memory) and a large group of ragtag protestors are wending their way through the streets toward the Imperial Palace. It's a merry little protest - something about bread and equality - with women and children trudging along together with their menfolk and led by some leftist firebrand. Cut to a scene in front of the Imperial Palace where a group of Cossacks are forming up - their chargers blowing clouds of steam in the cold night air. Eventually, the protestors turn the corner and in the distance we see the Cossacks in a neat line, their sabres drawn. The protestors go suddenly silent. The camera switches back and forth from the protestors to the Cossacks. Silence. The leftist firebrand tries to rally the group to go on but there is menace in the air. Silence. Focus on the Cossack officer who gives the order to charge. At first, in slow motion and then speeding up as the chargers gather momentum the Cossacks hurl themselves toward the (now) fleeing protestors. The carnage that results is swift and bloody and the leftist firebrand receives a nasty sabre cut across his face.

Now, I'm not suggesting this could ever happen in front of the Phill G. McDonald Plaza in Greensboro but it's harder to imagine this happening at all if the Greensboro Police Department decided to invest its resources in more bicycle patrols rather than loud, pooping, intimidating horse patrols. Personally, I kind of dig horses. When they're not being used to run down protestors they're kind of a neat public relations gimmick - especially with women and children.

CHARGE!!

Beta Blogging Blues

Whew! Just converted to the new Beta Blogger. First time I tried to open it, it kept reloading and reloading and reloading. STOP! Not being a computer genius (well, maybe a junior computer genius) it took a few minutes (OK, hours) for me to finally figure out it needed to set a cookie (thanks for letting me know Google). So after I changed my settings to allow it, it worked OK. (This time).

If you haven't gotten an invitation to upgrade to Beta Blogger, you will soon. I wish you luck.

Sports Analogy for the 2006 Election

Dear Coach,
Why did that mean old Dick Baddour fire that nice Coach Bunting? I mean, didn't they extend his contract just a year ago? Why don't they love Coach Bunting anymore?
XXX Becky Sue

Dear BS

It's interesting and timely that you asked that question because after Tuesday's election I'll wager there are a lot of unhappy alumni who would like to fire Coach Bush too. In politics, like in sports, it's winning that counts and Coach Bush hasn't won anything in quite a while. But unlike Coach Bunting who accepted responsibility for his team's poor performance, Coach Bush tried to blame his dismal record on his offensive coordinator, Coach Rummy, and gave him the old heave-ho. (Talk about taking one for the team!). In fact, quite a number of assistant coaches and waterboys lost their jobs this week.

When America extended Coach Bush's contract back in 2004, he hadn't even won a political Peach Bowl yet, but it must have seemed to the voters that Texas, being more of a football state than Massachusetts, would produce their best chance for a winning team. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way.

Besides having a poor win/loss record, Coach Bush's team has taken more penalties and been involved in more scandals than the NFL and Duke Lacrosse combined! It's no wonder that the alumni have been getting a little nervous. That sort of bad press doesn't make the old alma mater look too good, does it?

Come January when the new board of governors takes office I wouldn't be surprised if the topic of firing old Coach Bush doesn't come up. Of course, Coach Bush might pull a Chuck Amato and tough-out a few more seasons and who knows, he might pull off a win or two before retirement (it could happen).

Unlike Coach Bush, I expect Coach Bunting will land on his feet. He won't have the cushy retirement package of an ex-president but if he's frugal he can enjoy his declining years in comfort. I see him making future contributions to sport - maybe sports radio; maybe the NFL will welcome him back. He is a good man but being a good man wasn't enough for the Carolina faithful. By contrast, it would be nice to have a good man (or woman, I'm open to the idea) in charge of Team America for a change, but voters, like athletic directors, can be fickle at times.

It's a real shame that America doesn't have a basketball season to look forward to.
Love ya,
Coach

Too Funny

At least the troops still have their sense of humor.

Post election pictures

Greensboro leaders react to Britney Spears' announcement of her divorce from Kevin Federline.
"I thought this one would last for a lifetime." says former Greensboro mayor, Jim Melvin. "They seemed so happy. It makes me wonder what else I could be wrong about."
The others offered no comment but Skip Moore was visibly shaken.


Vernon Robinson accepts post as Ambassador to Mexico.

"I only hope I can heal the divisions that keep our two great countries at odds," Robinson said. "Understanding and empathy are what I bring to the table." When questioned about his campaign signs that read, "Secure the borders!" Robinson said that it was the printer's mistake. The signs should have read "Welcome Amigos."

Out of business, baby!

It's official. Becky Sue and I are out of the baby business. Unofficially, we've been out of the baby business since Baby Boy #2 was born 21 years ago but up until Monday all the equipment was in theoretical working order - now it's not, for one of us anyway.

Becky Sue, of hardy mountain stock, birthed both our beefy baby boys using nothing more than breath control and had not seen the inside of a hospital since they set her shattered ankle (without anesthetic btw) 15 years ago. She was not looking forward to spending time in a hospital this time either. When the day of the operation finally arrived we made our way to Greensboro's excellent Women's Hospital where the whole business of reproduction is like child's play to them (if you'll forgive the pun). Becky Sue was determined to tough it out but when I couldn't find the rawhide scrap she planned to bite down on (I think our granddog, Buster, found it first), she reluctantly agreed to let the anesthesiologist do it his way. Two hours and one uterus later, she was up in her room, a little groggy but ready to get dressed and go home. Alas, the doctor had other ideas.

She ended up spending two nights there with nurses prodding her every couple of hours to make sure she didn't waste any of her time in the hospital sleeping. She was raring to go yesterday morning but one delay followed another, so it was after lunch (Women's Hospital does a nice meatloaf if you ever get the chance to try it) before we got out of there. Becky Sue is now at home recuperating under the watchful eye of her diminutive dutiful 86-year-old mama. Becky Sue's supposed to be on leave for 4 weeks but I don't expect her to stay put that long. With a school fire and an election in the offing her newspaperwoman soul can't stand being away from the action.

Back at the office, my co-worker is huge with twins (and she's not due until Februrary!) which provides an interesting counterpoint to Becky Sue's current condition. If I was more of a philosopher I might say something about the grand spectrum of womanhood or the circle of life or the Karmic wheel or something, but I'm not, so consider yourselves lucky.

Holler at Becky Sue if you get a chance. She's already bored to tears.