Sports Analogy for the 2006 Election

Dear Coach,
Why did that mean old Dick Baddour fire that nice Coach Bunting? I mean, didn't they extend his contract just a year ago? Why don't they love Coach Bunting anymore?
XXX Becky Sue

Dear BS

It's interesting and timely that you asked that question because after Tuesday's election I'll wager there are a lot of unhappy alumni who would like to fire Coach Bush too. In politics, like in sports, it's winning that counts and Coach Bush hasn't won anything in quite a while. But unlike Coach Bunting who accepted responsibility for his team's poor performance, Coach Bush tried to blame his dismal record on his offensive coordinator, Coach Rummy, and gave him the old heave-ho. (Talk about taking one for the team!). In fact, quite a number of assistant coaches and waterboys lost their jobs this week.

When America extended Coach Bush's contract back in 2004, he hadn't even won a political Peach Bowl yet, but it must have seemed to the voters that Texas, being more of a football state than Massachusetts, would produce their best chance for a winning team. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way.

Besides having a poor win/loss record, Coach Bush's team has taken more penalties and been involved in more scandals than the NFL and Duke Lacrosse combined! It's no wonder that the alumni have been getting a little nervous. That sort of bad press doesn't make the old alma mater look too good, does it?

Come January when the new board of governors takes office I wouldn't be surprised if the topic of firing old Coach Bush doesn't come up. Of course, Coach Bush might pull a Chuck Amato and tough-out a few more seasons and who knows, he might pull off a win or two before retirement (it could happen).

Unlike Coach Bush, I expect Coach Bunting will land on his feet. He won't have the cushy retirement package of an ex-president but if he's frugal he can enjoy his declining years in comfort. I see him making future contributions to sport - maybe sports radio; maybe the NFL will welcome him back. He is a good man but being a good man wasn't enough for the Carolina faithful. By contrast, it would be nice to have a good man (or woman, I'm open to the idea) in charge of Team America for a change, but voters, like athletic directors, can be fickle at times.

It's a real shame that America doesn't have a basketball season to look forward to.
Love ya,
Coach