Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Smack my hand!

I take it back. This is one beautiful town full of beautiful people. As my new friend, Margaret, pointed out: there but for the grace o' God go I. So, we all friends now, no hard feelings? That's good.

Unfortunately with no one to criticize for their outward appearance I must turn my wayward fingers to yet another burning topic plaguing our fair city - banks. Actually, I could give a rat's rectum about banks but with all the mergers and acquisitions going on these days it's hard to tell whose on first. My current confusion centers around Sun Trust and Southtrust and which one is about to be part of Wachovia and which one is taking over CCB or BB&T or whatever. Wachovia must understand my confusion because they are buying full-page ads in the newspaper reminding me which is which. Except, of course, I have the attention span of a flea and couldn't tell you what I read ten minutes ago.

As a long-time Wachovia customer I feel the same pride Red Sox fans must have experienced, knowing that my bank is crushing the competition and that no matter where I go, there they are. In fact there they are right next door to where they are. Decisions, decisions. And look, another Wachovia is going up - right over there!

Why are banks even bothering to build more buildings? As long as I can find an ATM and can check my balance and do practically every other transaction on line why would I need a building? But I suppose banks can't spend ALL their excess cash supporting political candidates.

And speaking of which, I wonder where RBC Centura is spending their excess cash. Hey, y'all you're not fooling anybody you know. We all know that the "RBC" stands for Royal Bank of CANADA! Yes, that's right, Canada, our nefarious neighbor to the north. Don't think they've forgotten about the recent unpleasantness we refer to as the War of 1812. More like the war of Canadian aggression! Don't think for a minute that Canada isn't eyeing our border towns like a hyena checking out a wounded gazelle. We're patrolling our border with Mexico with a vengeance but Canada? Longest undefended border in the world. HA! Just something to chew on.


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