Make me a winner, Harris Teeter!

I really wish I had been keeping track, but since I haven't, I'm going to estimate that this is 261st week in a row that I have not won Harris Teeter's eVic Weekly Sweepstakes. No, this week someone named Tamara Brawn from Dunn NC won. I mean, does that sound like a made-up name or what?

It's like those letters to Walter Scott's "Personality Parade" which seem to be so timely (Q: say whatever happened to my favorite singer - insert name here - who recorded ANYSONG back in 1976? A: Insert-name-here just finished a new LP due out in March) that you just KNOW they were written by some publicist.

Besides, anybody with an anagram generator can quickly figure out that 'Tamara Brawn' is really an anagram for Arab War Rant: no doubt a signal to some jihadist group.

You can tempt me all you want with your great deals on EZ Peel White Shrimp or your Buy 2 Get 1 Free Tombstone Pizzas but unless I see my name on next week's eVic Sweepstakes there will be hell to pay, buddy.